Why I decided to Blog

I know that it has been some time since I really sat down and blogged other than a post trying to win a giveaway.  

Which was one of the reasons that I decided to blog as I always wanted to take part in these giveaways but didn't have a blog.  When thinking about blogging i debated whether too.  I still often wonder  if i should keep doing this.  But my biggest reason that I thought to start blogging was to make some new friends and possibly meet them some day.  But only have 2 folllowers in one year of blogging and don't really hear from that sad.  

I am struggling even with continuing.  As I mentioned earlier I said sad only 2 followers and one year of blogging.  I kow this may sound like a self pity post and it is.  But I figure that others blog about there struggles like infertility and so forth that i might as well and if its just for the sake of letting it out then so be it.

I guess in to make a long story short even since i was a kid in school i was the one let out of the crowd.  Our people pretending to be my friend or just for a time.  Today is not much different.  I have tried over and over to make a friendship that has lasted but for some reason i no longer hear from that person.  I know people have lives to live and are busy but i know there out there helping others and doing things for them.  Even within my own chruch when a spouse is busy or sick.  I know that people with in my chruch espically the small group that we where in knew that my hubby is an accountant and that he works many over time hours.  In return i recieve nothing and they want me to do things.  I know there is the whole thing of doing things for others and not expecting anything in return.  But still i will not be trampled on.  Like with my friendships i am sick of being the one to keep things going or calling and then having people say they are coming and don't show up and don't even call to say there not coming espially after i bought the food and worked hard to get ready espicially since i homeschool. I know I shouldn't give up so easily but why bother when this is what i get in return.  

I have spent many hours thinking and praying and yes crying .  I won't go into anymore detail .  Maybe someone out here will read my post not just out of sympathy but truely will befriiend me and help me not give up and that we can be great freinds even if its through email or mailing letters something i really enjoy doing or even talking on the phone .  As my phone never rings other than telemakers.  issues with my family particulallary my mother is another story and heartache maybe I will save that for another post.  Thanks for listening and hope someone will read this

.I am being honest here as I feel pretty numb. I am thinking the only good of this is one day I will be able to relate to other's as they struggle to pull themselves together as.... it's a nasty place to be for me when I have always been postive or looked for the bright side.SAVOR EACH GOOD and HAPPY MOMENTS in your life as they all seem limitless until you feel you haven't anything to SAVOR and you feel alone! Today I will give it my best shot ....I will obey the voice within and move on ! Many of you have helped me over the last four months and I am counting on your prayers to get me stand tall.So there you have it , just because you see some one smiling or talking or see photo's of somone looking so happy ....it doesn't mean anything !!!!!!!!!!!!

 a quote of exactly how i feel "